Helping Toddlers Adjust to Your New Baby: Advice for a Growing Household

Looking for a little advice on helping your toddler adjust to your new baby? You’re already doing the right thing by doing a bit of research.

Here, we’ll cover all the important questions you probably have, so that your toddler and baby can grow to have an unbreakable sibling bond.

Welcome to the second time round, parents!

Your second child brings more experience, knowledge, and know-how as a parent, but the uncertainty of how your first child will adjust to their baby brother or sister…that you’ve never dealt with before.

But how do you get there?

Rather than focusing on what could go wrong, think about what could go right!

Your toddler and baby could grow up to be the absolute best of friends, look after each other, and create memories that’ll last a lifetime.

From initial introductions to coping with challenges further down the line, we’ll help you navigate how to support your toddler in adjusting to their new sibling and how life may become a little different.

Introducing Your New Baby to Your Toddler

Introducing a new baby to your toddler can be a big transition for your family, especially if you've been a single-child household for years.

But a new baby is an extremely exciting time for the whole family – your toddler is getting a sibling! Even if they don't appreciate it now, they will in years to come.

So, if you're anxious about introducing your new baby to your toddler, here are some things we suggest doing.

Before the Baby Arrives

To get your child fully prepared for a new baby, work needs to be done while you're still pregnant.

Talking about the baby early on and getting them involved in the preparations can be a big help to get them excited for the new arrival.

We'd also suggest planning to spend quality time with you and the toddler without any baby talk. This will reassure them that even though a new baby is on the way, you'll still have special time just for them.

At the Hospital or First Meeting

Whether you're taking your toddler to the hospital to meet their new sibling for the first time or you're saving the occasion for when everyone is home, you should keep the first meeting positive.

When your toddler first visits, greet them without the baby in your arms, so they don't feel overwhelmed or 'replaced'. Instead, let them see your first and then introduce the baby.

Use phrases like, “This is your baby brother/sister. They’ve been so excited to meet you!”.

Some parents even arrange a present 'from the baby' for their toddlers to help make the occasion more special for a young child.

Once You're Home

When the whole family is home and you're settling in the new baby, always be sure to use positive language in front of your toddler that builds pride.

For example, tell them how much of a great big brother/sister they are, thank them for small chores like getting the nappies, and keep celebrating your toddlers' milestones as well as the baby's.

We also suggest never blaming the baby. For example, if your toddler asks to play, but you can't because you're feeding the baby, say "I will once mummy/daddy finishes this" instead of "I can't, the baby needs feeding."

Helping the Older Child Adjust to a New Baby

Once the initial excitement of meeting their new sibling is over, your toddler needs to properly settle with the idea that there’ll be a new person living with them, sharing their parents' attention, their things, and more.

It's not always going to be easy, but there are some things you can do to help them adjust.

Supporting Their Sibling Bond

One of the best things you can do as parents is encourage a sibling bond. After all, your child will be a big brother or sister for life, so getting them used to it in the early days is essential.

To improve this bond, you can showcase the baby's reactions, such as when the baby smiles or laughs at your toddler.

You could also celebrate their role as an older sibling, making it sound like something unique and special.

Lastly, encourage shared experiences, too. You could sing together, play together, or go on walks together – anything both your toddler and baby can participate in alongside both parents.

Below are some other ways you can help your toddler adjust to their new life as a sibling.

How to Cope with Challenging Behaviour After a New Sibling Transition

Coping with challenging behaviour after welcoming a new sibling can be tough, but it’s also completely normal.

Your older child is adjusting to a big life change, and them acting out is often their way of saying, “I need help understanding this”.

They might also feel insecure and left out, crave attention (whether that's positive or not), or test boundaries.

Challenging behaviour after a new sibling is a sign of adjustment, not disobedience.

So, here are some ways you can cope with the tantrums.

• Stay calm, consistent, and clear: React with patience (where you can) and stick to familiar rules and boundaries.
• Validate their feelings: Tell them it's okay to feel frustrated, because it's hard to share parents. You can even use books to help them understand their feelings better.
• Reinforce positivity: If they do something good, always praise them for it. Making a big deal out of the small wins will motivate them to be better.
• Provide choices and control: Giving small responsibilities can reduce power struggles. Even simple tasks, like picking what colour outfit the baby will wear that day, can help them feel important and included.
• Be patient: Even though it's highly likely your child is challenging because of the new baby, they might just be going through a phase. You've heard of the terrible twos, right? Just be patient with them. Having children is hard, so don't beat yourself up if you're struggling.

Advice on Sibling Jealousy

Sibling jealousy is also totally normal. So, before you think you have a little monster on your hands, let us assure you that you don't. Many families with new babies will experience this in one form or another.

Toddlers and young children may feel confused, overlooked, or unsure of their place. It just takes time for the dust to settle, and everyone gets used to the new way of life.

According to the National Childbirth Trust, here are some ways jealousy might present itself:

If you notice any of these signs, it's likely your toddler is feeling jealous, resentful, sad, or even angry because of the new baby. But like we said, this is normal.

Here are 5 tips on how to deal with these feelings as a family.

Acknowledge the Jealousy Without Judgment

Avoid blaming or punishing feelings your toddler can't help. Instead, create space for them to talk about them openly. They might even draw their feelings, if that's easier.

Offer Lots of Reassurance

Physical affection, such as hugs and kisses, can go a long way, as can reaffirming their place in the family by saying things like, "You'll always be my special girl/boy".

Explain Things in Toddler Terms

For example, if your toddler is getting frustrated at the baby crying, try saying something like, "The baby cries because they can't use words yet, just like you did when you were little."

Encourage Positive Behaviours Towards the Baby

Encouraging talking, gentle touch, and play from your toddler to your baby will help them create a bond that nurtures jealousy into feelings of love and affection.

Final Words: Allow Time for Everyone in Your Family to Adjust

And there we have it, parents. Hopefully, you will now feel a little more prepared when you bring home your new bundle of joy.

While things might seem difficult initially, remember that siblings, at any age, won't always get on, but they will always love each other – even if it takes a second to realise it!

You also need to remember that your toddler is still growing up themselves. Even though there's a baby in the house, your toddler needs the love and attention they grew up with.

You don't have superpowers or three hands each, so don't put too much pressure on yourselves to get everything perfect. Sometimes you simply won't have time to feed the baby, do the washing, and play dress up with your toddler, so be realistic and don't burn yourself out.

And lastly, enjoy this new phase of your life! Having two children will be a fantastic adventure for the whole family.

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